05 October 2009

police on my back

saturday at the minnow, like many saturdays at the minnow--slow to start, then chit chat with employees diminishes as band sets up, people come in. out-of-towners and old people (like my age) first, then finally around midnight the fun crowd, back from weddings or parties or sleep, the people whose saturday evening never begins before a minute into sunday.

so all was well and all was normal except a big group of moronic south bend cops overflowing from the table next to ours. the three biggest ones (between 6'5" and 6'8", all 300+ pounds) were the stupidest, and the stupiest of those a low brow (literally) who took delight in squeezing (not slapping) his friends' ample asses.

they tried to use our table as their garbage can. one leaned over me to tap ashes into our ash tray. i moved it away and told him to get his own ash tray. after convincing him that i was serious, n had to contend with the guy who kept putting his empty beer cans on our table. she kept handing them back to him, telling him that we wern't a dumpster. add profanity.

it went back and forth. they kept trying to taunt us. one giant kept calling me a pussy. i guess standing up to giants is a pussy thing to do in south bend cop world.

anyway, so as a crowd of friends and well wishers formed around our table, the taunts slacked off. then when people were on the dance floor, the ass squeezer came up to me and put his arm on my shoulder. i thought he might be drunk enough to apologize. he continued the taunts.

as we were leaving, i decided to say goodbye. i tapped low brow on the shoulder and told him i hoped he enjoyed our area and that he would enjoy spending more time here in jail. he became irate and asked me how i could say such a thing. "you're drunk, you're stupid, and you're from out of state. i imagine you'll be picked up when you leave."

so dumb ass kept following me, yelling at me, and, as i was smiling at him and leaving, he shoved me. i looked back at him and saw two delightfully large locals coming at him and then the owner coming at him from the other direction.

7 comments:

Elmer said...

I hope there's a part 2!

lu said...

Proof positive that neanderthals continue to breed.

Mignon said...

wow. that guy needed a throat-punch.

Ugly Scott said...

i have dreamed of the throat punch a couple times since then. lu, funny you should say that. after national geographic did a neanderthal issue a year ago, i've seen them everywhere. elm, no part two until maybe sat comes out again. i do have a revision though. i found out yesterday they were chicago cops, not south bend cops.

Anonymous said...

I bet it was the undercover cops from Chicago that are trying to bust the counterfeiting ring that is prevalent in Dowagiac.....

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