30 April 2009

tulip mutilation hits backyard

like devil worshipers, aliens have been known to mutilate cows and pigs. i remember that the aliens regularly lopped heads and udders and such from cows before they found the more peaceful farm activity of leaving designs in corn fields.

but the corn circle hobby must have gotten boring. they're back to mutilation, and they've chosen my backyard to begin.

they are severing the heads off of perfectly harmless tulips right at their prettiest. the plants are neatly nipped right below the flower, and the flowers are moved five to fifteen feet away.

the tulips stood proud amongst the mud and wild onions that early spring bring to the drizzly yard. now half are beheaded. their crime? being beautiful. aliens hate beauty. and cows. reward offered for the capture and mutilation of backyard aliens.

7 comments:

ugly wife said...

maybe that is what is making so much noise on the roof.

Indigo said...

Sounds like a group of renegade squirrels dear friend, that or rabbits. Both are notorious thieves. (Hugs)Indigo

Woman in a Window said...

I've heard that if you self inflect rectal probes it will attract aliens...I'm just saying. (actually, i can't believe i'm saying that.)

Grown Backwards said...

I bet it's the onions. they're jealous of the tulips' beauty. This is why you never trust an onion, especially a wild one.

Ugly Scott said...

excellent advice/comments. i blame the squirrels for so much already, so i really would rather blame onions or my original aliens. still, a vision of a squirrel courting another with a tulip head in its teeth appeals to the romantic in me. self-inflicted anal probes aren't quite as romantic.

Red Heart Super Saver said...

Perhaps you need to revise and update your definition of "romantic"...or I've said too much.

And who says the onions aren't undercover aliens? We aren't scientists, so who are we to think we know what aliens would look like? And have you ever seen an alien and an onion in the same place at the same time? I have not.

It is late and this is how I rationalize.

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