it hasn't made the news. no one is talking about global winding. well, i am. long story short: it has been very windy here for the last couple months, and i don't like it.
if i recall correctly from my class on meteorological psychology, long periods of heat make people kill, and long periods of wind make people want to kill themselves. casper, wyoming, a very windy place, has an alarmingly high suicide rate (though, as anyone in casper can tell you, there may be other factors as well).
adding to the problem, the wind increase has coincided with the switch to digital tv. yes, i am an antenna guy. under the old system, when the weather was bad, we got fuzzy pictures and sometimes static. i could watch it. with the upgrade, the wind turns every show into max headroom stutters and frozen frames of cubist art.
the wind intensifies on mondays and thursdays, the two nights i watch tv (big bang on tuesday, hell's kitchen on thursday). i sit beside the tv on those nights, arm ready to adjust and re-adjust the antenna, sometimes holding my body in awkward positions (seems to help), trying to outsmart the wind which works hard to destroy my shows while somehow preserving the commercials.
i have a hard time opening things, but i don't have the foresight to carry a knife. i fear my eyes are growing farther apart and my legs closer together. if i left the room, someone who doesn't know me might say, "who was that nervous guy standing on one leg?"